Bowery Mural

Worry... worry, worry, worry, worry. Worry just will not seem to leave my mind... alone

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Those that know me will know that I'm a bit of a worrier... and that's a big bit not a wee bit of a worrier. I have to say that until today i wasn't overly worried about my docs appointment tomorrow but on reflection I am now scared that it'll be bad news. Probably just thinking too much?

In opposition to my worrying, there are some rather sad events that have taken place recently that have once again brought home the realisation that life is too short not to be lived in a full and rewarding way. Isn't it strange how this happens and you're all set to make some changes and promises to yourself and it works - for a little while, then you somehow end up slipping back into your normal way of thinking until the next time. A cycle, a repetition an endless succession of promising yourself that you 'must try harder'.

Oh in addition to being a worrier I am also really tough on myself, way too tough I feel. Playing down my achievements and even my goals, not taking a few moments to pat myself on the back enough, generally being a bit too hard on myself for one thing or another. I mean I am fairly successful, I have a great family, a pretty decent bunch of friends, and I'm currently mid way through a period in my life that is taking me on an incredible journey in so many ways (not just to Base Camp either!). All in all it's pretty good but i feel a few more risks - is that the right word?, maybe chances or opportunities is what I mean, anyway these need to be taken. I need to push myself more, be more assertive in all aspects of my life. I do try, i have conversations in my head but the words just don't seem to come out. Rather they don't come out they way I want them. Now these conversations in my head aren't in the wacko, I'm hearing voices type of way but I'll explain. Example - environment: work, desk piled high with papers, students at the desk wanting questions answered, someone comes in and wants something (not that important) done in the next few minutes, what do you do?? My heads saying 'yes I'll do it but will the next hour do?' and my mouth says 'give it here and I'll do it just now'. What's that all about?!?! That is just one example but by no means one that concerns me the most. I just need to say NO more but on the other hand I could be doing with saying YES a lot more. Which leads me nicely onto this...

I was having a mental block as far as going to the gym was going. Couldn't get motivated at all last week, partly because of recent events but partly because i just couldn't face it. I saw Stephen Fry on Jonathan Ross talking about how he's out walking more and takes audio books out with him. Time and distance flies by he says. So i downloaded Yes Man by Danny Wallace on iTunes. The movie based on the book is out just now starring Jim Carrey. Anyway I hit the gym tonight with my Yes Man fully loaded and started listening to it. I quite like Danny Wallace on telly and he seems pretty funny but after a few minutes i must have looked like a loon smiling and chuckling to myself on the cross trainer. Anyway I digress, the point of my story and his was that he'd gotten himself into a rut and met a guy on a bus who told him to 'say YES more'..... That was it. He goes on to say that the man had told him 'the people without passion are the ones who always say no... but the happiest people are the ones who understand that good things occur when one allows them to..' So if anyone asked him anything he said yes to it. I'm only 45 minutes into a 5 hour audio book and i like it already. Seems like it could be easy doesn't it. So my plan is not quite as drastic as his but i will try to say YES to more things, situations, questions, opportunities.

Ask me a question and i'll say yes, maybe... depends how brave i am really eh - eek!! I will try though, so fire away with the questions.

And finally.. to keep up a recurring theme of getting song lyrics/quotes into my blog posts, quite simply -
'I'll get by with a little help from my friends'.

Ange x

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