For what I am about to write... I apologise in advance. Please don't take offence if you recognise yourself. There are a few things I just NEED to write about.
I am awaiting deliveries in the post of things I 'need'! (read: want!) Delivery 21 days it said. It's now been 3 weeks - is that technically 21 days? or is it 21 working days? It didn't say 21 'working' days though when I ordered it. Well anyway I'm waiting on that being delivered. I'm also waiting on the TP Therapy roller kit. But i've only just ordered that so I'll allow them a weeks grace. Now this i hope will save my life (ok so that's a bit dramatic but if it makes even half the difference i think it might then i will sing about it from the high heavens for all to hear/see).
I'm also waiting on people emailing back but I'll allow that too as I know folks are busy.
This week (so far) has been a stinker. Things happen and people say stuff that at the time kinda punches you on the arm like the playful kind of punch you used to get at school from a boy pal. But then, on reflection, you realise that not only has what this person said punched you in the arm, it's also smacked you over the head and stabbed you in heart with a dirty butter knife that has yesterday's breakfast crumbs still stuck to it (not literally but you get the drift...). Now on saying the said comment/off the cuff remark, the person probably wasn't even thinking of you... cos they're too wrapped up in their own world, but I think that's the point. We're all guilty of saying things and not thinking. But said person said the thing like it was a bad thing. Like it was the worst thing in the world ever! Saying it with such horror that, heaven forbid, 5 years down the line said person would be in the same boat as you.
I know I shouldn't take things to heart (it wasn't really aimed at me), and people tell you to not let things bother you, but it's hard. It's so hard that you end up feeling all upset and bullish and heck even a bit rebellious!
You see, for someone like me who is very deep of thought, extremely shy of talking to folk and not very great at expressing themselves except on a blog or email or even a text ('the great tool avoidance') then this stuff does kinda bother me. People say things without realising that yes it might actually hurt the person I'm saying this stuff too or discussing it with. Especially when they know your circumstance. And how i cope? I bottle it up inside cos i don't want to offend and it festers away cos i think too much.
I once was told to vent on this blog and so far I think I have resisted. There may be a few obscure postings about various random snippets of knowledge that only a few are party to, but venting has been resisted. Until now... This is my attempt at venting. And I'd really like to think of some funny story and write about it in an obscure way so as not to reveal the identity(ies) of the person/people/situations I'm venting about but honestly... I can't be bothered. I just won't reveal the details of what I'm actually venting about. Except to say that yes this thing was said one day late last week and it kinda bothered me all weekend and has unfortunately leaked into this week too. That, together with various occurrences at work of people being non-cooperative and non-communicative has led to me having a bad start to the week and really wanting a holiday... or at least a wee day off!
So here's my advice, just be aware that everyone has their own set of circumstances and lives and not everyone has to follow the social 'norms' (?)
Like... so what if I still live at home with my mum and dad and I'm the wrong side of 30? Stuff happens in life (mostly when you're young and impressionable and not very street-wise) that takes you on journeys that you might not entirely be comfortable with but you go along with it cos you think it's what you want. Next thing you know it's 7 years down the line, you're a shadow of your former self who has been sapped of the littlest bit of confidence you ever had and twisted and drained to within an inch of your life and you're finally mustering the courage from somewhere deep within to stick up for what you truly want and get the hell out of that place. Aye...we all have our crosses to bear.
Like... so what if I love my job and care that much about the place that I clean up other peoples sh*t cos they think it's beneath them? (not actual sh*t but messiness in general). Normally I would just sit there and say nothing (or rant at poor Linda and Brigitte) but the other day, I'd had enough and finally gave in to my true thoughts and did something about it. It felt good!
Like... so what if I don't get drunk of a weekend, in fact so what if I don't and have never touched a drop of alcohol ever? This has never bothered my true friends one bit. You can drink away 'til your hearts content but I just won't be. No big deal... but to some it is. 'Oh I need a drink to feel confident' - really?! I'm certainly NOT overflowing with confidence (in fact quite the opposite) but I don't think I'd find any at the bottom of a wine glass or pint glass or alcopop bottle!! Each to their own.
Like... well there's another so what, but I'm not brave enough to write it here. I'll tell you if you ask though. But so what eh!?! The world would be a dull place if we were all the same. I've always been different, a kind of odd ball who's not a sheep but a lion!! (That's a good one eh, i read it the other day on t'internet, ha ha). Seriously though I like it that way. At least its me that's decided this. I am now free to make my own choices in life and I wouldn't have it any other way. There was a time when I didn't go to certain places, didn't wear certain things in fact I mostly wore baggy jumpers and jeans just because someone was heavily influencing me in a bad way. Now... well I wear the brightest tops, buy skirts & dresses (that i don't wear often but they are in my wardrobe!), i go wherever i want whenever i want and am doing things now that a few years ago i never thought possible and that's where i'm at just now.
I may not be a typical 30 something with their own place, I don't have a husband or 2.4 kids, i didn't go to University and don't earn a fortune but I am free and living my life the way i want to. Sure there are a few things I'd like in life, as would we all, and I'm trying not to let social pressures get to me but when someone makes remarks about things that are close to the bone then yeah... it kinda hurts.
I'm not some flighty confident social butterfly who always needs to be doing something or out somewhere with people but the few close circle of friends I have are always there with little snippets of wise words and supporting texts or emails. And generally they're right - 'don't let it bother you'. I just need to take that advice more often really (easier said than done).
Wow! That was a bit heavy and probably more than I wanted to say but hey it's my blog and I'll write what I want to! :o)
On another note. Tonight I went to yoga! This was good and i'll tell you I can feel it in my legs. I'm already looking forward to next week. I've also booked a spin bike class for Monday night and can't wait for that too. I just hope my TP Therapy rollers get delivered soon. I want to feel the difference it makes to my non-flexible body. That with the yoga will hopefully work a treat to finally get rid of that god-damn knee pain.
Next... i need a plan. Or not a plan but a challenge... a goal... a something. Ideas, Suggestions, Help??
That's enough venting on the blog, it will never happen again. It was but a minor blip. Over and out...