Bowery Mural

Ange meets Burger Meats Bun

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

I'm no foodie, but I do know a good bit of meat when I taste one. No supermarket meat ever passes my lips these days. Fresh local butcher meat only.

Ever since I became obsessed with watching the Food Network on Freeview, I've been craving one of those giant burgers Guy Fieri stuffs into his mouth like a ... well, like a foodie eating a giant tasty burger, since forever. Cheese dripping off of it. Burger sauce running down my chin. Juicy beef tickling my taste buds. Let's face it, you ain't getting that at McDonalds.

Last week a new burger place/restaurant/joint (what's the word?) opened in Glasgow. Some people were talking about it on Twitter (some frankly overdoing it with their over-enthusiastic tweets, calm down people, you hadn't even sampled the wares yet!). I decided that with all of the hard work I'm putting in at the gym, I deserved some kind of treat. I would head to Burger Meats Bun and see what the fuss was about. I'm not going to go into the story of who they are and why they're there, I'm not going to pretend to know these people. You can read all about it on their website or over on James Vs Burger for an in depth review. Instead I'm just going to tell you my story, in search of a decent burger.

After failing in my shopping tasks - folks, the autumn winter stuff is already making it's way to stores...WAY TOO EARLY! Anyway, having failed to buy anything other than a one hole punch and a fridge magnet set, I ventured down a set of stairs and into the place. To my surprise (but secret delight) it was fairly quiet with only a few tables taken up. I had my choice of seating. But not before a much needed toilet break. (What's with those heavy doors!).

I took a seat near the back, or side, depending on which way you're looking. Basically I tried to find a quiet spot that wasn't too close to anyone else because I don't much like eating in public with my brace on my teeth. Food, pieces stuck, me picking it out.... you get the picture.

The waitress came over and gave me a menu. The menu is a simple affair on a cute little wooden clipboard. I ordered a Coke. She delivered it and I was so pleased it was a can, and at only £1.50 too! After my last visit to Glasgow for burgers when I realised that I'd paid £5 for less than half a litre of Coke, this was a total bargain and a pure delight. The menu isn't vast - great I thought, too much choice can kill you. I always knew I'd be getting the Big Cheese but I scoured out the other items, just in case.
The cool simplistic menu on a cute little clipboard
The waitress came back and I ordered a Big Cheese beef burger, no tomato, no pickle. I hate tomato, I hate pickles. I like burgers, and cheese! As well as that I ordered the chips with maldon sea salt. I'd leave the Thai chilli cheese ones for another day. After a few minutes she came back and delivered half a kitchen roll, and a tin can with a fork and steak knife in it. Handy I thought, as I need to cut my food up pretty small these days, and a burger in a brioche bun would certainly need to be halved at least.

I read some of my book on my phone whilst secretly listening to a conversation at a nearby table. Oh come on, we all do it! A little while later my order was delivered. The burger neatly wrapped in white greaseproof paper with a cute little sticker on it, the chips in a white paper tub bowl type thingy. I loved the simplicity of this. No fancy schmancy wooden slabs on which to try and delicately eat a big hulking juicy burger. Oh and I hate those effing slates, imagine eating off a slate!?... It would go for my teeth.

Anyway, I digress. I opened the burger and there appeared to be no cheese. What kind of tomfoolery is this? I thought. I took the crispy brioche top off and there was definitely no cheese. Nope. Worse still, there underneath the burger lay tomato and pickles. I hate tomato, I hate pickles. I hesitated. You're in a new eating establishment that ain't no McDonalds prices and you're order seems to be wrong. Pop quiz hot shot, what do you do?

I managed to catch the eye of someone and mentioned that I didn't think this was my order. I said it should have been cheese with no tomato, no pickle. He apologised, took it away and came back to say it'd be another few minutes for my one. From my vantage point near the kitchen door, I heard someone call for him to send apologies (which the nice gentleman had done already, thankyouverymuch). A few minutes later, he brought me out another one wrapped up. I was hoping there was cheese on this one as by now I was hungry and was trying not to fill up too much on the chips before having even tried the burger.

To my delight, yes, there was cheese. There was no tomato and no pickle. Hallelujah. I halved it all and got stuck in. The scene didn't resemble that of a diner or dive on the Food Network though. There was no cheese dripping down my chin like I'd hoped. I was secretly disappointed. However the burger was nice and certainly juicy. It was a little pink in the middle which I like. But dammit, I wanted more melty cheese!! and definitely more of that burger sauce. Now that right there was tasty. The bun held together well even though I'd quartered it. But I still wanted more cheese, and tasty sauce!
bowl of chips, half a burger, some menu
I didn't wolf the burger down. I can't really with a mouthful of steel these days. I savoured it, and those chips. Wowsers. I love my food salty and the flakes of salt on them really made my lips tingle, just the way I like my chips to be (except I could've done with a bit less of the burnt look on the chips. Just me?). Boy was I glad to be sipping on that £1.50 can of Coke between mouthfuls of food.

I came to the end of my meal and decided that I liked it, despite the order mix up. Although I wouldn't be having dessert. I'm not a fan of mikshakes and my stomach couldn't have squeezed in those doughnuts with dipping sauce. Well, maybe I could have if I'd had more time. But no, no dessert.

There was a guy asking customers how their food was. Not in a weird random-asking-folks-about-their-food kinda way. He must've been a 'someone' in the establishment. He came over to me after I'd finished. Fine, I replied. It was all I could muster. I wasn't being rude. I was just trying not to talk to a stranger for fear of having bits of meat and chips stuck in my brace. Imagine the embarrassment. So, if you're reading this Sir, I apologise, but you try having a mouthful of metal and eat discretely in a public place on your own! I would've chatted, maybe, but I'm positive there was a bit of your burger stuck in my teeth. I'm sure you understand. :)

I paid for my meal and headed off into the late afternoon sunshine. Stomach full of nice food.

Like I say, I'm no foodie, but I know my meat. It was nice. Juicy. Nice taste. But MORE CHEESE PLEASE (sorry I can't let this one go). And more burger sauce. And be careful processing customer orders!! I'll put that down to first week hiccups. The place was very nicely fitted out. Bright enough, despite being lower than street level. Cool wooden and metal stools. Nice red no fuss benches and tables at the back/side. Cool music in the background, loud enough to take the edge off a silence, not so loud you can't hear yourself think! Nice, friendly staff are a bonus too.

10/10? For me, no. But with it being just a few minutes walk off Buchanan Street it's worth a visit to see for yourself.

Angela x


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