Bowery Mural


Monday, 8 June 2009

She sat in the darkest part of the house, shocked, numb and reeling. She thought the hardest decision she'd make this weekend would be whether to watch The Apprentice Finale on BBC 1 or Big Brother on channel 4! Little had she bargained that someone would throw her the biggest curve-ball she'd had in... well in quite a few years. This someone was someone who she thought might have told her the truth. Isn't it just sh*t she told herself as a cold breeze blew in through the half open window. She couldn't believe what she had heard! A shock right enough.

She quickly dialled her trusted compadre on the mobile.... no answer. Sh*t, what was she going to do now? She collected some belongings into her bright orange rucksack and headed off in search of the answers. Answers that no-one had been willing to share in the past few months, what made her think they'd be willing to share now!! Driving along her eyes started smarting, stinging. Tears started to roll down her cheeks. Where was she going? Even she didn't know, anywhere, just out of the darkness of the house she had just left. She drove around the countryside wishing that she could just abandon the car and take herself and the orange rucksack up a hill. She wasn't ready for that though. For although she'd packed stuff, the stuff she packed was no use whatsoever on the hills. Sh*t! Sh*t! The mobile started to flash and buzz - a message. Who was it from? her trusted compadre. They exchanged a few texts but... her battery was on low! Sh*t. She'd text her compadre later. Agreed.

After a few hours driving she found herself back at the dark house. Still numb, still shocked. No matter how much she played this curve-ball out in her mind she still had no answers. She consulted another trusted friend. This one always gives good advice! and so she did. Talking was the advice - She couldn't! Don't push them away came another snippet of wisdom - she was! Most of all and frankly what she needed to hear was 'live your own life' - this rang a massive church bell in her head. She knew her friend was right but it was hard for her. She sat there in the twilight, the breeze flowing in the half open the words going over in her head, numb.

A few hours later she startled herself with a shiver. Brrrrr.... She updated a social networking site and began to wonder. Does anyone else ever get these curve-balls or is it just her? A while later a message come through. What's the trouble? I bet this friend wished they'd never asked! By now she was drained. Fed up. Numb. Sh*t! She slept on it. Do things really look better after a good nights sleep? or was that just the old wives tale she thought it must be? Nevertheless she elected to find out. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was sound asleep.

She woke with a start! Was it a dream? Sadly no. Sh*t. She dragged herself out of bed and headed downstairs. The house seemed a bit brighter. Was this a sign. Breakfast was a bacon roll and nice cup of tea! Would this help her mind to stop racing, thinking of different scenarios, wondering what the consequences would be, how would her life change.... how can she make it change for her, no-one else, just her. She needed to take her friends' advice and live her own life for a change.

She decided a shower was needed, not because she was stinking but because it might clear her head. Wrong. She stood there under the lukewarm water, trying not to let the stinging in her eyes bother her but it did. Sh*t. After throwing on the most comforting clothes she could find she sat at her laptop in the midday gloom and wrote. She set about replying to the friend who'd asked the What's the trouble? question. She needed to vent, but this might be the wrong place, wrong time, wrong person!?! Oh heck. After a fair few minutes of typing she saw a page of blurb. What would this person think of her? Sh*t. What would this person make of her predicament? SEND. It was gone.

The silence she had sat in was broken by the monotonous tone of her favorite sport. F1. She sat and watched the action. This took her mind off to another land altogether. Gave her something else to think about on this day. It was becoming a bit brighter. The hours passed and Jenson Button won - his 6th race out of 7. Fantastic she thought, she'd never really liked that Lewis Hamilton anyway! Feeling a bit better off she popped to her local generic supermarket, that sounds like Frescho, bought food for lunch at work and headed back to the dark house which was now becoming light again. Slowly, but it was changing. Dinner was prepared, telly was on, a few texts were exchanged from a friend checking how she was. A bit better she replied, trying to muster all the enthusiasm she could throw at it.

After a while wittering away time she fired up the communication device and logged in. Ah an email from another. Advice was given, she nodded as she read, and she agreed, she couldn't live someone else's life for them. Yes it's hard but what can you do? As this dawned on her like a sunrise spilling a yellow orange glow on the hills she resolved to make her life a great one for her. To have more adventures, to think about herself for a change, to think less and do more, just to live and getting by wasn't going to be enough now. Times, they are a changing...

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