Bowery Mural

There goes the fear

Monday, 10 October 2011

I was thinking about the previous post i wrote last week about having a dip in confidence and how i've always thought i never had any real confidence. Well, i still think that. But here's a thing. I was in the shower yesterday and was thinking about it (I do a lot of blog post thinking in the shower, it takes me a good 20 minutes to wash my hair so plenty thinking time...) anyway, i was thinking that i'm a bit of a contradiction. You see, i've never liked being made a fuss of. I've never had any parties to celebrate important birthdays like 21st, 30th or even my 18th! I don't like to create a fuss about anything. I don't take praise or compliments very well, although i'm learning to accept this. I don't shout about my achievements much, except here on this blog and yet here i am...blogging. I mean surely i blog and i expect people to read it?

I mean for goodness sake I have a different pair of brightly coloured trousers for each day of the week. You'd need a certain kind of confidence to carry off the purple trouser look, wouldn't you?

When i was younger i never followed the crowd. I didn't drink. I didn't go out to clubs much. I've never been on a package deal holiday to Benidorm, Tenerife, or Gran Canaria. I wear Converse trainers most days and i shirked wearing make up for years! I wore a suit to a wedding and a skirt suit to my senior dance at high school...... wait, perhaps that's why I never got asked to dance. But you get the drift i never followed what everyone else was doing. At a work Christmas night out I wore a red velvet suit whilst all other women were in black. Looking back it was very poor taste, I looked like Santa, but it was in fashion at the time (mid 90's).

I suppose what i'm saying is that i *thought* I had no confidence but to stray from the crowd takes a certain kind of confidence. Another example is this. I wore a hat to work last week. A very cool tweed flat cap my great friend Linda bought for my birthday this year, i wore that and you'd have thought i had two heads the amount of comment it got. So you see, I must have some confidence. I just need to nurture it and bring it to the fore in certain situations. Situations where work is related. Matters of the heart. All of the above... I need to let it flow and get rid of the fear. Because that's what lack of confidence is really isn't it? fear.

Angela xx



  1. "but to stray from the crowd takes a certain kind of confidence"

    I went though exactly what you are going through when I met my boy's family for the first time. I am different from them and at first I was totally intimidated. It has taken a long time to turn that over. But you are right, being different does take confidence.

  2. Aah, glad you agree. I do think it's true. It's the more one to one face to face conversation shyness i need to get over.


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