Trust

Trust.
I think I trust too much.
I trust that what other people tell me is true.
I trust and believe what they mean.
Except maybe they don't mean it at all.
Maybe I'm too trusting. Naive
That's what it is. I'm naive.
You know, because i always like to see the good in people, except for those that i can tell within the first 20 seconds of meeting if they're a rat or not. Well that's what i thought, but it seems that rats can hide in every corner.

I see the good in a lot of people. And maybe I then get blinkered to their own selfish ways. The way they use you for what you can give them and then when they find you can't really give them what they want: a boost? a plaything? status? glowing reports? and shit like that cos that's all that matters to these folk, then you get left. Left behind like some lost afterthought in the back of their tiny minds.
In front of camera it'll be lets do this, you're great etc etc behind camera, nothing. Not even a fucking how are you doing?

I believe that I'm a nice person. A good person. A fucking amazing person.
I believe that I try to good with people, all people, until they piss me off, then my defence mechanism will kick in and that usually means I won't bother talking to you.
Its my way of dealing with the hurt. The downright fucking gut wrenching anger towards myself for letting myself get too...what's the word?...too.. involved? led up the garden path? let myself be open to friendship?
Whatever. That's how I cope.

They say good things happen to good people. Do you really believe that?
I'm not sure I do anymore because for me and the good people i know, we never seem to have many good things happen to us.
It's always the chancers, the all talk no fucking brains folk, or as someone so eloquently put it to me the other week, all gloss and no substance. I'd rather have all the substance than the gloss.

Some folk just need to remember that you can't play about with folks feelings and folks good nature. You can't pick them up, play around and pretend to be their friend then drop them like a hot tattie when the next new plaything comes along. Some folk should just check themselves before they wreck themselves (I like that saying, I use it often).

Angela xx