Monday

Monday gets a raw deal these days. I don't know why. If you see it as the start of your week, then it's just that. a Start. A chance for a new start, a new beginning.

I simply cannot stand Monday moaning on social media sites. There's no need. Granted, it's usually from the same sort of people who moan at the silliest little thing.

Don't get me wrong, I like a good moan. I'm good at it. I just don't see the point of putting it all over social media sites. There are some people who are genuinely struggling with things in their lives and don't ever seem to moan and yet here we are, bemoaning a gorgeous new day just because it happens to be called Monday.


Here's what Monday means for me...

• Monday Morning Motivation Meetings - amazing brainstorming list-making session.
• The first of my spin and Grit classes for the week.
• A new week.
• New ideas forming.
• New episode of a favourite programme to watch
• at the end of the day, day 1 of the week ticked off. You're heading towards that weekend!

What does Monday mean for you?

Angela x

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"I'm ok" "are you sure?"

It's funny, Christmas is a joyful happy time of the year. A time when you take a break and get together with your family and close friends. It's also a time of new beginnings what with new year and all that. People make resolutions that are never kept. People write lists that are stuffed in notebooks and probably never read again.

News flash. I do like Christmas. I love it in fact. I like what its meant to be, I like the joy it can bring but more often than not what it actually brings to me is strange feelings of complete and utter loneliness. And don't even talk to me about New Year. Oft. I could actually crawl off the face of the earth at new year.

I get really down when I think of people sharing this special season with friends and loved ones and stuff. And yet still some of them seem to moan. They don't realise how lucky they are. Don't get me wrong, I do spend it with family. And that's good and all but I crave the company of peers, people my own age doing fun stuff. 

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Wandering down a wind blown street yesterday I was thinking how I don't really have someone who I can confide in, I mean *really* confide in. I've probably not had a best friend since I left high school. There's no one I can share my news with - good or bad. Or to tell my inner most thoughts, fears and dreams to. Or someone to know that i need a hug from them at the end of a day. I have a few trusted people but they seem to stay way too far away to want to sit and have a chat with about this stuff. And so you dear readers are getting it, warts n all.
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A few days pass and then you go back to work and you get the dreaded question "did you have a good Christmas?". And what kind of freaking monster would I look like if I turned around and said "actually no, it was ok but I felt so low that I just wanted to curl up on the bed and weep".

OR did you do anything for new year? Yes, I slept through the bells and on new years day I went to the cinema to escape the party that was going on in my house. 

Yeah. That would make me really popular.

So the next time you ask someone if they had a good time. And they reply "it was ok" and that's their only words. It probably means that it wasn't ok and you should probably ask "are you sure?".

By the time the third of January arrives I feel a heaving sense of relief and a wonderful calm comes over me. Plus we had macaroni cheese for dinner.

Comfort.

Breathe.

I wouldn't have had the courage to publish this post if I hadn't read these honest accounts of Christmas from Ryan, Luca and Miss NoSweetNothings. Good blogs.

Now?

Now I'm loving the ever lighter nights and looking forward to my birthday. It's soon. Then it's summer...

Angela x

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Happy New Year: 2012

Happy New Year. 2012. So much is going to be happening in the world this year. The Olympics for one. I can remember when it was announced that the Olympics were to be held in London, back then 2012 seemed so far away. And now it's not. It's here.

Time has flown. I'm still pretty much in the same place as I was back the when that announcement was made (2007?) if I'm honest. But i didn't have the hunger and vitality that I have now, she says as she sits on the bed in the fading light still in her jammies at nearly three o'clock in the afternoon.

I don't know why I think this year will be different. I'm no fortune teller or future see-er(?). But it's that feeling. You know the one I'm sure. Perhaps it's the company you keep or the people you surround yourself with. Sometimes you just gotta clear everything or everyone out that is not on the same mindset as you or who, frankly, never contact you EVER, and you gotta let the good times roll. 

Fuck. Is this me being optimistic about the forthcoming year? I nearly fell off the bed there. Talking of which. I read a post the other night by Whatleydude (i think it was actually from a few months ago). I was about not being able to sleep because of distractions in the bedroom. No. Not like that! TV, sitting on the bed to watch tv, to read a book, to just hang out, when actually your bedroom should be your sanctuary. A place where you can find sanctuary and sleep. I suppose i should get off this bed and sit on the chair to type out a blog post, shouldn't I? 

My bedroom is my sanctuary. It's where I have all my stuff. Still living at home with mum and dad means this is the place where I do come to find solace and seek peace when the house is bustling (like it has been for the past two days). Only now have people left again after new years visits. So you see, when I sit here on my bed, typing away at this blog post, I am relaxed. I could go to sleep [although I have a rule that I never sleep during the day. I just can't anyway. Think of all the things you're missing out on when you're sleeping during the day. Shudder].

But back to my point. The room does need a tidy. There's still Christmas bags lying around with presents I'm going to regift as they'll be useless to me. Plus, it's time to get myself in order for 2012. Starting with a clear out. Clothes I don't wear or are too big fr me now, stuff I don't need but yet somehow it manages to edge it's way into my sanctuary. Is time. It's 2012. It's all systems go.

Angela x

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Angela: Mission 2012

Here they are, ten things that form part of Mission 2012 for me, Angela. 

 1) to have a dinner party at my house. Not a fancy smarmy all singing all dancing fake Michelin starred affair, but rather a nice bunch of people, eating good wholesome food and plenty of decent chat. That's it. 

2) to do something for Sport Relief in March 2012. Not sure yet what form that will take but I have to do something to help those vulnerable kids in Africa and here in the UK. 

 3) just keep on being me. But with a little added confidence. With all my flaws and insecurities and naïveté's I think I'm still a much better person than a few people I know. 

4) sort out my CV and perhaps land my dream job. After all I did have a vision that I'd be spending next christmas in New York and a humble administrators wage isn't going to fund that now, is it. I will get this one. I will. 

5) which leads me on to number five. Get more international check ins on Foursquare. Simple. 

6) Sort out my blog. Find a purpose for it. Categories. Subjects. Turn it into something big. Huge. Massive. I can and will do this. 

7) find someone to share my experienced with. A person who will like me just the way I am and won't want to change or mold me into something that I am not. Someone who can make me laugh, make me feel special, whom I can spoil, who I can make feel special, who i can make laugh - although not promising on that one, not a comedian! 

8) wear a dress once a month. This may not sound like a huge deal, but it's been about 3 years since I actually wore a dress in public. I have three lovely dresses to begin with. Two are classic black styles that fit like gloves. One is a gold sequin stripe affair that can be dressed up or dressed down depending on the occasion. I've ordered it from Harvey Nichols online. It's my first designer dress. Michael Kors no less! Oooooh. (edit: I've seen this dress in person today and I might send it back. It's quite long. It's not meant to be. Dilemma!) 

9) kinda like number eight this is to wear heels more often. Apart from anything else they give your legs a nice shape and once you master that art you can walk with an air of confidence. At least that's what it looks like. 

10) have a holiday. Preferably somewhere guaranteed with a bit of sunshine for 50% of the time. I've not had a natural tan since the summer of 2000 when I went to Florida. Aaaah a wee trip to FL would be ace right about now. 

11) gather a group of friends and celebrate my birthday. I never really celebrate it with anyone that's not related to me. Usually it's a gathering of the closest family with a cake that I never eat and it's fat and all but I'd like to bring together friends and family and food that I like to eat. Another simple one. 

12) go on a date. Still haven't fulfilled this one from my December to do list. It's a pity. I have so much to give. Oh shit no, not in that way, not on a first date! But this is a big thing. It hasn't happened in a while. Not see why. I'm quite a fucking catch, for the right person, dontchyaknow! 

13) ah number thirteen. Unlucky for some. Not for me. I don't tend to believe in all that mumbo jumbo shite. I figure you make your own luck, or not. It's all about chances isn't it? And taking those chances. And losing the fear about grabbing those chances with both hands and shaking the life out of them until you can't anymore, that's what it's about. Not saluting some black and white bird and saying good morning mr magpie. They tend to come in pairs anyway, don't they? I mean, have you really known anyone whose had a boy after seeing four magpies? Really? God sake there's a fifty fifty chance anyway is there not. See, there's that word chance again. It's all about talking them.... 

14) Should I stop here at number fourteen? Ok then I will. For now. Check back soon, there may be numbers fourteen to twenty appearing soon. Wink eye face. 

 Angela X .

No Words Wednesday

 

 

 

 

angela x